Lavender coven

2009-05-17T19:17:00.001+01:00

TRip to brighton 2009

2009-05-17T19:07:00.003+01:00

Photoshoot of the jeans and jersey project.

2009-05-17T19:02:00.003+01:00

Singapore Day London at Hampton court palace. Home of the Tudors.

i miss home

2009-04-17T06:31:00.002+01:00

完全失去了信任的感觉。

活的好累。。。

想哭又不敢哭出来的矛盾。

偶尔的崩溃。。。

折腾一场，

到头来还是回到原点。。。

2009-01-20T14:31:00.000Z

真的。。。可能。。。失去。。。才領悟到。。。曾經擁有吧。。。可是。。。會不會。。。太遲？

2008-12-30T21:45:00.000Z

我想要的安全感。。。

2008-12-20T18:25:00.000Z

Dad came over for about a week and took me to winchester, this historic city and ancient capital of southern England.

Visited Winchester Cathedral and such, one of the longest cathedrals in England. and of course its famous Great Hall, known for the home of King Arthur's Round Table. Bit of a disappointment there though, definitely expected something more impressive and massive than what it really is. Guess things really get exaggerated through the words of mouth.

i lighted this

take 1 - view from the outside
take 2

the round table in the great hall.

this was a random shot taken at this exhibition in Basingstoke when Dad's colleague took his family and us to this indoor living size history museum.
and lunch....

Christmas is coming...

2008-12-13T20:29:00.000Z

没人肯听我的感觉。。。体会我的不安。。。我想。。。还是把自己封闭起来。。。做回原来的自己。。。开朗。。。好难。。。一个人最好的朋友。。。因该是日记本吧。。。再见了blogger

2008-12-12T01:08:00.000Z

我想狂喊！我想呐喊！我快窒息了！我就真的那么逊吗？！为什么。。。

2008-12-11T23:19:00.001Z

Mixed Affection

Booting up the lappy
and dial up online
carrying with me,
beneath this moonless light
was longing! Wanting! and Despair!

There! you appeared.

*fist clenched
and "yo!" you typed,
with great sincere?
just as i have feared.

Now everything is dumped to the rear.

begone!
Results! Ego!

the least of my concerns here.

Our rooms, three floors gap
we talked on the phone,
and chatted over net.

feeling a strange flutter.
An emotion within my own.
like the tarot reader said:
It's affection? Love? Or like nothing i've known.

a chemistry i will never forget
Mixed,
like the random rhyming of the poem.
Pain, Pleasure, confusion it bringss me.
an oxymoron of painful esctacy
"please shove it down a cemetry!".

passion, motivation, azure gratification
So hard to resist.

cold, wandering eyes, insufficient -norance

does he even care?

should i persist?

or they are mere oracle of lies?

love~ a mortal lure...

my heart wandered upstairs

2008-12-11T23:03:00.000Z

Yi Ru... I dont have pictures of other guys except this one... but sorry... he is taken...

2008-12-04T23:09:00.000Z

吃醋是天蝎座的特点。。。别怪我。。。

＊醋瓶打翻的一塌糊涂。。。有什么办法。。。不如就是不如。。。

加油努力吧陆颖承。。。

时间是你最好的证明。。。

2008-11-30T01:39:00.001Z

过了珑珑，郭宝宝和自己的生日。。。好开心，没有家人，却多了这些能珍惜一辈子的好朋友。。。没有他们，我在伦敦的生活一定很乏味，很寂寞吧～

爱你们。。。

一些无聊的照片。。。在房里拍的。。。

照片里的我。。。觉得长大了。。。

给郭宝宝的生日礼物。。。

Brick Lane 的London Graffiti

哎哟～不错噢～

在VnA画sketch。。。

2008-11-28T01:21:00.000Z

不知道。。。郁闷。。。不了解。。。有人会真真正正了解我吗？

总是觉得。。。常常连自己也不了解自己。。。困惑的脑袋。。。频繁的已一个假设的形象面对大家。。。为了自己。。。失去了自己。。。

忙碌，压力。。。我快承受不住。。。

选择，往往连自己也不知道对与否。。。雨天的胆缺。。。

不如。。。打开眼睛。。。享受现在的感觉。。。

闻着熏衣草的雅香。。。

想念～

边走边爱。。。不要再去想了。。。管他呢～豁出去了。。。麻雀唱好就已足够。。。槐树会不会挽留你。。。就由不得它了。。。

2008-11-24T21:07:00.000Z

一种莫名的自卑感。。。

凤凰和焰火之间的麻雀。。。

2008-11-19T23:19:00.000Z

爱你。。。

＊偷笑。。。

2008-11-07T06:05:00.000Z

What happens when three people gets bored at 3 in the morning.

2008-11-05T00:21:00.000Z

我喜欢。。。恋爱中的醉意。。。

2008-10-29T22:59:00.000Z

First Snow in London ~

Friends and i were watching the ring~~~~

and someone started screaming outside my room~~~~

"ITS SNOWING!!!"

and we started screaming...

"OH MY GOD!"

*runs down the hall

So excited ... in the lift, snow in many years already.
Jolly white tuessday

"omfg its snowing!" - exhilarates.
can you see the snow?

Long and Jesyka

haha. Avalon~

Eat snow eat snow!
my crazy flatmates.

i can be taller!

ooo~ snow is good.
Avalon doing his flippy flippy thing when he cooks.

帅呆了。。。
？？？美女

goes back to the room watching the ring 2~

2008-10-27T00:10:00.001Z

Time change here! Time zone officially brought backwards by an hour

I have so many weird photos to upload. Had like a LESBIAN night with my girlfriend and friend

Please, people who know me, dont freak out

Present to you the most beautiful lesbians on earth

Cant hold our laughter anymore...

thats me with the creepy make up.

Make up courtesy of myself.

do you see my adam's apple?

Im the man

I love this shot. Avalon and me
???

My favorite.

Taken by Avalon.

2008-10-25T06:38:00.000+01:00

MAH JONG night craze.

ALL the guys, straight guys in my class came over to my flat today to play mah jong! it was a womenswear gathering. Yeah i know, can you believe it, we have 3 guys in our class and all three of them are STRAIGHT. Not something i should be exclaiming about, but yeah... its really something worth mentioning.

Trying to show Jennifer i can do martial arts too. She is a TaeKwondo student.
Me, Jen and Long... Do we look like sisters?
Gathering of the three straight guys. hahaa.. Avalon, Simon and Ivan. They are all cute somemore.
Laughter...
A bit tipsy on the right...
a bit tipsy on the left...

Avalon . He lives on top of my flat. what a coincidence.

2008-10-23T03:07:00.000+01:00

我疯掉了。我只知道这。。。已经不再是我。。。改变，却让我害怕。。。惶恐。。。

2008-10-21T00:38:00.000+01:00

一个疯女人。。。雨天过后，不会再有蓝天。。。爱情和熬粥。。。再也不能相提并论。

2008-10-19T14:20:00.000+01:00

Hang over Day...

what two girls would look like after a hang over

2008-10-18T13:54:00.001+01:00

OH MY F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F.F KKKKKINGGGGG~ TOOT!

I CANT BELIEVE IM SUCH A STUPID PERSON. I CANT BELIEVE WHAT I DID.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

*DIGS A HOLE AND BURIES MY HEAD IN IT.

There goes my image~

boo hoo hoo~

2008-10-17T14:07:00.001+01:00

Night to Thai square

2008-10-17T13:43:00.000+01:00

i think im mad. seriously, this kinda thing should never happen, or suppose to happen on a person like me. I feel so different. Am i being bad? im so confused.

我的快乐徘了徊了走了错了哭了懂了疯的想的念的不安的焦虑的你坐过的沙发困了你爱的音乐我的你的他的好的坏的难的灰的非常想要忘的绝对不能忘得环岛的火车载着我第几天了忽然发现这一刻我不想你了我的快乐会回来的只要清楚曾爱的那么深刻不准问值不值得我的快乐会回来的离开不是谁给了谁的选择我的快乐会回来的

2008-10-16T03:16:00.000+01:00

被老师放鸽子。好生气。。。浪费我宝贵的时间。。。又去打pool 了。技术越来越烂。。。烂极了。。。

为了一些事情在斟酌，徘徊。觉得有点过意不去，怎么办。。。

买了件黑的大衣，好好看。。。喜欢。。。40个胖子。有点贵。没办法。。。

想家～

2008-10-11T20:02:00.000+01:00

上帝会不会赐予平凡的我。。。一个不平凡的他。。。

2008-10-10T20:05:00.000+01:00

期待。。。

等待。。。

失望。。。

最后。。。我会不会。。。

绝望。。。

2008-10-09T01:34:00.000+01:00

school started. OMG, the amount of work, somebody please save me...

50 designers illustrated. HOW AM I GOING TO FINISH THAT?!

GOD BLESS ME.

I spent 18 quids buying shirts that are not going to be worn by me, bought them to tear them up for deconstruction. First Assignment.

Oh god, i have to wake up at 8 tml. its currently half past 1. luckily curtain road campus is freaking within walking distance.

what a pointless entry. shall upload photo again.

2008-10-07T16:04:00.001+01:00

i accompany Long Long to take night shots of the nearby church.

and we stepped onto dog shit.

2008-10-07T01:38:00.000+01:00

cant believe how ugly my drawings are becoming already. i havent done any illustrations in AGES. and we are suppose to sketch OTHER people's stuff. I dun have inspiration nor the drive to draw this at all.

I know i know my standard dropped like a bomb. this is Victor and Rolf's 2008 pre fall collection. Totally not my type of design, but this is the most interesting one in the entire set we had to illustrate. The others are all in shades of grey, nude tones and blue grays. ARGhhh... BORING.

In A2 size some more.

GROANS~

2008-10-06T23:57:00.000+01:00

Part II of the bed room rhapsody...

stop staring.

2008-10-04T01:36:00.000+01:00

school is starting on monday.

im becoming such a nervous wreck.

was supposed to go to "thai square" or whatever that club is today, but its so freaking cold! in the end we had to loiter in the common room to play pool. i think i have to dig out my warm clothes soon... =(

i think it could be due to fatigue over the countless sleepless nights up working, playing. I woke up this morning drained of any trace of energy. I nearly fainted and risked slapping my face on the heated hob. Gosh. Ate some high energy food and had fell onto the bed.

life is currently on a roller coaster. activities after activities, work after work and countless shopping to do. Christmas sale is coming...

I kinda miss home... miss my friends back at home.... miss my mom and dad... miss Coco....

2008-10-04T01:16:00.001+01:00

What happens when two girls run outta things to do and couldnt sleep at night.

Photographer: Han Long Long

Model: Me

Venue: Our pathetic and uninspiring burrow at Will Wyatt

相思

see? you dun need fancy, enormous, white, spick span clean studios to take gorgeous photos. They might turn out ugly and outdated anyway. like my display. yuck. All you need is good lighting, a brilliant photographer, a wonderful rug thanks to Urban Outfitters and most importantly. A gorgeous model.

Self Narcissists.

2008-10-01T11:22:00.000+01:00

i was so wasted last night i think i did alot of stupid things. thats like... so embarrassing.

2008-09-30T14:41:00.000+01:00

Kensington. Part II

these little creatures are everywhere

2008-09-30T02:40:00.000+01:00

我拍的Kensington 的点点滴滴。。。

技术很烂的，请包容。

珑珑。男的，收回你的口水。

丑小鸭变天鹅

2008-09-30T02:14:00.000+01:00

Photos taken by 珑珑（韩）。。。

Except my face. *buahahahahaa...

@ Kensington gardens, Kensington palace. Residence of princess of Wales, Diana Spencer.

I love her photography. like... she can really TAKE photos with her giant canon (NIKON SLR).

pathetic me only know how to use photoshop.

*sobz.
this is the sunken garden at kensington.

night out at come play

2008-09-29T03:21:00.001+01:00

Student Night Out @ Come Play. Kingly Street.

Biggest student event for UAL students that night.

Craziness...

NO... we werent drinking, that was just for show. haha..
A bit tipsy there on the left.
People rockin' the floor. me. Long Long. Kelli and 郭大侠.

2008-09-27T21:27:00.000+01:00

work... work... shop... shop... eat... eat... eat... fat... fat... lub london...

tate modern

2008-09-27T01:28:00.001+01:00

A Much Dragged and Anticipated to Tate~

The London Church of Scientology * think Tom Cruise.

makes you miss home...
Europe~

Something you see in Jolin's MV (Quoted Guo Jing)
Tate Modern. The Power Plant.

Westminster Bridge and Thames.
i was SUPPOSED to lean on Tate Modern, thanks to the pro photographer. i mean "pro"
For once, Guo Jing is TALL.

THis is SUPER!!!!!!!!! photoshoped.

Spot the difference~

Im tall.. imagine this.

St Paul by night.

St Pauls'

The London Icon
Huang Rong's husband standing infront of St Pauls'

St Pauls'

2008-09-26T05:36:00.001+01:00

This is "uhm~" but you gotta accept it. Its all over London. This is the place where all the handsome guys died off to. You wont believe how cute gays are. How open and friendly they are too.
Sheeta and Xiong. nice jacket sista. ! London club scene is so crazy with madness. The drinks are cheap too. They sell bailey near my house of residence for 6 GBP or less.
this is tower of london. right beside london bridge. its keeping the royal jewels currently. Its also residence of many famous british anarchy such as Elizabeth I, King Henry the VIII, Anne Boleyn and many many others.

Me.. and Guo Jing... On the way to Kingly Street for " come play " Guo Jing was originally from La Salle foundation, currently doing central St Martins foundation.

Outside "come play" waiting... (Guo Jing, Me, Long Long and Kelly) The bouncers here are damn strict. Kian couldnt get in because his student card did not write his birthday. but. he looks clearly above 18! like.. c'mon! He is close to 25!
Mona and Kian (He is from Shanghai, the one i met with KATE the last time i went back) Doing BA fashion promotion.

. Solitude .
Big Ben and Parliament House
The London Bridge
Tate modern
The London Eye.

2008-09-19T02:23:00.000+01:00

2008-09-18T23:14:00.000+01:00

I have arrived in london. After months and months of uncertainty. IM HERE.

Period

Its not as bad as i thought, not as dangerous as it seems and neither is the weather as gloomy as what others may portray it to be. Infact, its such a vibrant city that i feel im beginning to fancy it.

I did not cry, i cant deny im still feeling a little lost and daunted. Feeling very sad at times when i feel that i am all alone, lost in a big country with no friends and family. No dog, no home. I wont call the tiny burrow that i am staying in a home. Its just. A place of residence. An Address.

I went to school. And guess what? its situated right smack center of oxford street, that one is for lecture, the main building. The other one for technical stuff, workshops is situated like... 10 minute walk from my hall of residence. The other one, Cordwainers, famously known as the one Jimmy Choo graduated from, is like minutes away too.

Did lots of stuff these days, really busy. Hopped to china town, oxford, thames, tate modern, Borough, london bridge, tower of london, big ben etc etc etc.... im so tired.

very bad jet lags, couldnt sleep in the night and get really lethargic and tired in the middle of the day.

The weather is fine, not very cold. The kinda temperature you get when you go ice skating. A long pants or tights, a shirt and a jacket and you are done to go rock the neighborhood.

I hope all those who are worrying about me can feel better now. Im fine, totally fine...
A little tussled by the sudden turn of my life drama. But i am definitely coping.

I miss my family and i miss my friends. I miss singapore...

Tomorrow i am going to Basingstock with my dad. The place where Burberry was originated.

Then im going to Rugby. The place where i lived like almost 8 or 9 years ago.

lots of mixed feelings rumbling inside me.

2008-09-14T07:22:00.000+01:00

Hello ! Neoprints to Yi Ru after bugging me for like a decade. Here it is pretty~

Message from yi ru and Mu Mu, For your information, Yi Ru, Im NOT a porn addict. ZZZ....

Love you all and really am thankful for having you guys and girls around.

2008-09-13T07:45:00.001+01:00

My new Hair Cut. Courtesy of Kimage @ Lot 1.

hair Stylist - Cindy.

Comments - She is brilliant, very warm with her customers and she knows current trends very well! so dont ever worry about having boring hairstyles again.

2008-09-07T15:49:00.003+01:00

a Date Out Of Town

went out with boyfriend to meet dear Ra and Shan Shan... was so engrossed in travelling and glueing my attention to Vin... i totally mixed up the place to meet...

we were supposed to meet at 1230 at Jurong East MRT, and i went all the way to Orchard and happily called Qian Shan to tell her i reached. And then found out my mistake which gave me the scream of my life. *luckily i was in calvin's car.

Then , it was of neo prints, food, food and shopping and more shopping...

A summary in pictures....

Shan, Ra, me and peace...

We look so carefree...

I love to Cam whore in Neo print machines.

Un Glam

Some people pretending to be cam shy

Tee hee hee....

Food~ Oh Glorious Food.

2008-09-06T04:55:00.000+01:00

I had probably one of the last meals with my good friends in singapore, for an unknown period of time. It was really great. Neo Prints, Bitching, Steam boat and Keppel Island, Tcc, Tiramisu... Everything seems to be what me as a normal girl would love on other occasions. Today, it was really hard to smile and laugh like there is no tomorrow. Why is there also a tremendous sad, appalling force tugging me. I feel like somehow... in a few days time, im going to lose the world that i had and belonged to.

Steam boat was delicious, i think i never had such nice Tom Yam soup before. OR RATHER, i was starving my brains out.

Yi Ru's breast are big as ever.

Mu en is still as "woody" as ever...

i love them both for that. hahahaha...

so many neoprints, shall scan them tomorrow and show off to everybody... except the one with him... which i will only keep close to my heart. i have no idea how much emotion is going to overwhelm me on the 15th. Will i be able to take it? I really hope all the people around can be there for me... Help me through this separation.

I love this country. I love my life. Did i make a correct choice by leaving?

Some interesting things to update. For the first and hopefully last time in my "exciting" life, i saw TWO tree fall down onto the road. Out of which ONE, i WITNESSED it fall infront of Calvin's car. The picture below was taken after we passed it.

Yi Ru's friend, Calvin was following right behind YI Ru's friend, Jeremy's car when the tree fell RIght SMACK in the middle of the two car, blocking the way. In another words, we missed being crashed by INCHES. *cold sweat. Its not exactly a hundred year old AnCIENT tree. But you can think of the din it puts on your car with that much impact.

Well, All blames goes to the terrible weather these days. Dont know whats wrong with the sky.

A photo for my own memory sake...

2008-09-02T17:01:00.000+01:00

Today was the most relieved day of my life, parents brought me to Hill Top to eat Teppanyaki again.

Im so happy... and relieved (i have to emphasis this again)...

Yi Ru's breast is going to shrink...

It might grow back on saturday. MIGHT...

Less than 2 weeks,

next next monday...

Counting...

2008-09-01T16:10:00.000+01:00

I passed my interview...

ANG MOH was really satisfied with my testimonials...

No, i didnt talk to her in my standard singlish, although i think she had the initial belief that i am a CHINA GIRL and didnt doesnt know a damn thing about english...

She even asked me "do you understand me?" ...

that was so... -_-"...

And i followed to stun her with my british accent...

Havent used it for months since my last encounter with Dad's collegue from London, AL.

That only comes out when i try to act foreigner when i visit DFS singapore or some branded shop so that they treat you nicely. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

And i bombarded her with some fanciful vocab to show her that NO! im not some random CHINA GIRL from CHINA who massages people and goes overseas to massage more people under the "holy" name of education.

I also did something very wrong. Im going to apologise here YI RU.

Sorry for cursing you up front.

Its my bad.

i shouldnt have...

shouldnt have cursed your volumious breast to become CUP A.

>.<

Or even... -A (thats when you contracted breast cancer)

SOLLI~

disclaimer: this apology will only work provided she turns up on wednesday. lol~

we, together with Ke zhen are meeting for a steamboat dinner at BUGIS! its been so long i saw my friends from TP ADM. I somehow felt i have detached myself from the rest of them. Somehow felt i dont dare to see them, dont know why, but somehow felt it was wrong of me to make such a rash decision and left without a trace. I didnt inform my lecturers, friends or anyone. Really felt a bit... irresponsible.

Im sorry to all those that i offended, especially my lecturers, wilson, christine, veron, carol etc etc... I know its really not the right thing to do, but i really dont "dare" to go back to school. i have no idea what am i going to say to them.

*sighs...

forgive me. i promise someday i will come back and say thanks. i wont be having so much if not for their nurturing and teaching.

2008-08-31T13:40:00.000+01:00

My latest gadget. Western Digital, My Passbook Essential in white. So as to match my entire collection of MAC IT sidekicks. Im such an techie now. Isnt it pretty? It was sold at Sim Lim square at an estimated price of $159, but i got the cutie at the Comex show at a bloody price of $124, some give you a free pouch to go along.

I am so good at sourcing for cheapies.

2008-08-31T04:43:00.000+01:00

i finished making my checkered pants, i think next im going to learn how to make a poncho! i have a hitch they are going to be in this season, like, c'mon! look at the Fall magazines! they have even trickled down to lower end boutiques such as ZARA and worse... BYSI.

I have exactly 15 days left in this country.

Counting down.

* off to Bugis to get a hard drive and lots of copic markers refill. I can hear my money being sucked out of my pocket. YET AGAIN.

*oh by the way, i have a body shop discount card offering 10%. If anyone wants to get anything from TBS. Please leave me a message. its going to be hanging around useless after i leave, so im trying to make full use of it. be it for me or for my friends.

2008-08-30T18:04:00.000+01:00

the evil witch

2008-08-30T16:37:00.000+01:00

Who is this?

The 190 incident

2008-08-29T16:24:00.000+01:00

I am totally freaked with taking Bus 190 now, and after much trauma and self counseling i decided to record down what happened. something scary yet amusing.

You know when you sit on the bus right, the room aint very big for someone who is rather fat. But my size, its relatively spacey. i took a 190 to Furama Hotel on tuesday for my sewing classes. On the way to Kadomay, this "UNCLE" boarded the bus and sat right next to me. he is not what you term as FAT, but he is not exactly skinny either, bearing a little mustache, small slits of lecherous eyes and a horrible stench. To be precise, he was wearing this giant big red polo and a waist pouch.

ANyway, he popped his ass beside me and looked my way. Initially, i thoughts its just due to the jerking of the bus that his elbow kept nudging the under of my arms. So to avoid any discomfort, i shifted my body to the left unconsciously and continued my dazing. After awhile, i realized our (i hate being termed as our) arms are touching again, so i shifted and didnt suspect a thing.

This continued for like awhile and after numerous attempts to shift, i was starting to get totally uncomfortable and pissed off. "Im in the mood to slap people" was sprawled all over my dark face. so i nudged him and totally moved my arm over to the window and placed it across my left arm. I thought that should stop now. And... guess what... he started prodding the sides of my body.

I looked from the corners of my eyes and finally notices his arms "MOVING". of all the nerves! i was stunned and a bit lost for a second. Got so pissed off and vexed the first thought that came across me was to get back on him. I gave him a hard stare and realized he wasn't looking at me. (BASTARD)

and the next thing i did.

i dug my bag and took out my GIANT GOLD FABRIC SCISSORS. I think he looked at my scissors and a momentarily stunned. but that was just the beginning. i opened the two blades and started inspecting my scissors with a viscous "IM A PSYCHOPATH" look. then i closed the blades with an enormous action and "SNIP!". Then held it at the closed blades and pointed the tip at him. poised to stab. of course i didn't hold it really near him, but just enough to make his hair stand probably. then gave the scissors another two quick snipping sounds and started to inspect my scissors with that squinted eye and looked like im in deep thought. the "im going to kill you look."

and he jerked his arm right onto his lap and kept like INCHes of space in between us. This is so..... HILARIOUS. I was thinking if he dared take a step further, im going to stick my scissors in his face and snarl at him. Im going to make sure the whole bus knows whats going on.

honestly, i would do that if i know he is very deliberate. But the fact that it was light prodding made me 10% unsure of whether he is doing it intentionally. Even though 90% im confirm he did. I took his damn photo, but i will not post it. I still have some sense of forgiveness ok? Even though what i did really was psychotic.

It doesnt sound exaggerate. but believe me, when i alighted the bus, the two malays behind me were giving me the "you are mad" look and didnt dare to have eye contact with me. suddenly, this felt good. hahahaha!

oh my god, did i just say that?!?! im really becoming psychotic. *RARH!!!!!!

Anyway, i urge all girls out there to really protect themselves. This is important. Some places dont allow you to bring weapons around, but self defense is really important. Be safe than sorry.

2008-08-27T17:42:00.001+01:00

After bugging myself and telling myself a thousand and one excuses to buy.

TA DA~

The ear phone that i coaxed myself into buying after like ten million centuries. I had this strong insider voice telling me i have to get it. If not, it will be like so many other countless times where the product is GONE when i finally made up my indecisive conclusion to go and BUY the thing.

I HAVE to show off my new headphones. L-ARRRRRR-VE it. I don't give a damn to what the specs are, all i care about is that i LURVE the color and i LURVE the retro-ish design. The sound quality is great too. Powerful base and rather sound proof. Well, at least the boyfriend couldn't hear me when i tried talking to him when he is listening to my new sidekick.

2008-08-26T18:24:00.000+01:00

Some random posts of Kathy's goodbye singapore gathering at her house.

Kathy's brother James is uber cute! Vithya and I were snuggling in our new found little corner. he came over and dumped a truckload of toys on our laps. Followed by dragging a huge board over, and attempted to teach us mathematics. 20+20 is what? -_-" Haha... he favors Vithya the bitch and proceeds to give her a huge star. I got a butt from him for answering a wrong question purposely. haha... evil little chap.

And oh man... he thinks Kel Vin is cute. Climbs onto him and trails him everywhere he goes. poor thing... and sodomized him... (did i meant what that implied?! >.<)
Plain water is good for health.
Ultra happy at our little corner... Bitching away...
does anyone think this photo is very A?
There were so many people from commonwealth i didnt know, or practically forgotten. Im sorry if i did. Im so detached from this world...

2008-08-26T18:18:00.001+01:00

I finally got my much much awaited headphone, the one i have been salivating over for months... Im So happy...

Alot of things arent going my way these days. Not the happiest period of my life. I hope and sincerely pray that something is going for the betterment.

2008-08-26T16:38:00.000+01:00

Suddenly got into a bout of knitting fever and has been continuously knitting for weeks. I have finished two projects so far, a beret and a scarf, now fully prepared for my trip to conquer London. I have been knitting so much i think i am going to contract some kind of knitting related illness. Namely, my fingers are growing stupid calluses.

Im so salivating over my chunky knits. hail to the knitting era.

2008-08-22T18:11:00.000+01:00

my life just went down the roller coaster ride, i just felt like i wasted years forging something so imperfect deep down i know its impossible. My head is throbbing and my eyes hurt, my temples feel like they are charging with blood vessels. Emotions, can someone please get rid of this particular thing in me. I hate it, i understand what religious teachings meant it to be some vicious evil that is the root of all atrocities. I hate it. I hate whoever made this fall upon me. I want it to go away! FUCK OFF!

2008-08-22T14:50:00.000+01:00

another dentist appointment, my lower tooth has aligned and had to start closing up the gap today. Because the date gap between my last visit and this one had been rather close, my teeth have not really healed and it hurt abit today. The tightening itself was sending spasms of pressure up my bones. Argh, for the sake of a pretty smile and my farewell to former buck teeth.

Anna Sui is having some cosmetics table launch and promotion today at Ngee Ann City, Takashimaya. 200+ for a beautiful make up set shaped into a three-tiered, miniature, gothic, sweet "Anna Sui Standard" table. The promo features freebies of another mascara and some crap. Really tempted to buy... 200 +.... DAMN IT.

Tomorrow going to Kat's sorta "bye singapore" party. That bitch is going to canada, UBC. everyone is going their own separate ways... what about friendship?

2008-08-20T19:12:00.000+01:00

我快崩溃了～哈哈。。。。。。

whats with me and my new found fetish of writing blog entries in chinese. Lol... Shopping was so much fun today with my mom and i. I bought so much junk for UK and now im buying more. I think i already have more than 5 winter coats from a bloody season and im buying more. i am eyeing this mongolian-sheep-like vest in ZARA. The material is shitty i tell you, and the price is even more shitty. IM INTENDING TO BUY IT. Cos it looks absolutely ridiculously crazy. I look like a sheep wearing it and i love it.

craziness~

5 pairs of boots and counting... forgive me for my sudden release of estrogen. I SAW A CHECKERED RED SKIRT AT FCUK GOING FOR 13 BUCKS. WT-FCUK?!?!

much much shopping craze, so much im not even typing in proper sense.

2008-08-18T16:25:00.000+01:00

今天又去kadomay dressmaking school 上课了。去了一半，觉得心情好低落，就没有留到晚上。最近也不知道为什么，总是提不起精神，无法振作。浑身懒洋洋的，脑子一团糟。可能是要离开这里了吧。。。好多事情无法克服心里的障碍，过不了那个槛。似乎就快失去好多东西。

有些人认为我其实该兴奋过度，对我大发脾气，可是那些人却不知道我心里最大的疙瘩就是他。我现在才知道，被人误解，冤枉，才是最悲哀的事。

不止这些，还有一些七七八八的琐事。总之，都是些身边的人，离开的不忍。我真的好郁闷，该怎么办。。。我对往后的憧憬消失了。。。

妈妈这两天常觉的我一直发呆，我也常偷偷在被窝里掉眼泪，表面上装作坚强，想要父母放心，可是心里却怕的要死。好多压力，我快喘不过气了。。。如果“那个人”在看，希望你理解，请你别在这样对我。仅仅一个女人，承受不了！

2008-08-15T18:03:00.000+01:00

school has yet to start, homework, major project and competitions are already in my mailbox, what a school. i took a look at the assignment briefs and i think my heart stopped beating for that slight second. I think i need some motivation to finish everything.

2008-08-14T18:35:00.000+01:00

有时看着别人无奈，痛苦，挣扎，自己却无能为力，及时是朋友，在这种情况下也只能做个旁观者。感觉好束手无策。。。

2008-08-13T11:27:00.001+01:00

un-motivated and totally un-inspired.

2008-08-08T05:52:00.000+01:00

Today is another important day in history. Marking the 29th Olympic games, as a chinese national, i am going to be so looking forward... cant wait for the opening ceremony, i have a hitch, its going to be the best ever games in olympic's history

2008-08-03T15:58:00.001+01:00

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. - Oscar Wilde

2008-08-02T15:49:00.000+01:00

HUANG SHAN

2008-08-02T15:46:00.000+01:00

another broken heart, why is relationship maintenance so hard? why cant two people just stay and stick together? why must there be betrayal, hate and then hurt?

2008-07-30T17:07:00.000+01:00

macson is in shanghai for internship. it was so amazing to see your friend in a somewhat impossible place to hang out . SHANGHAI EH!!! Dear Macson flew all the way to shanghai to visit me. keke.

the first day was kinda drag, it rained badly and we got drenched, the food was bad and the typhoon kept haunting us.

today was fine, Kate went with us. Did i mention i custom made a coat?????? it s so cheap!!!!!!! knee length wool coat at 100sin dollars! custom made and fully lined. i feel like i picked up a purse off some highway.

dinner was at LV BO LANG~ its a rather famous restaurant in YU YUAN. once visited by celebs, stars, royalties and government officials. People like Bill Clinton and Wife, Queen Elizabeth, Paris Hilton amongst many.

ah~~~~~ thats Kate aka Kiki aka crazy cat on the left. she is going to LCF with me in september. hello classmate! its so amazing too~ to meet fellow coursemates in another country way before term starts. She is a darling. =D

pointing at Queen Elizabeth in the picture.

2008-07-30T17:03:00.000+01:00

have not set my footprint here for ages. been outside of shanghai for awhile. went on a tour with family and stuff to Huang Shan and Hang Zhou, i have like.... 10 Gig worth of photos and videos, and saw the first real sunrise in my life "so far". it was amazingly different from what i have initially expected. less surreal, but i swear its way more beautiful (thats a super understatement of the century) than any movies you see. im going to post like a million picture. all breath takingly gorgeous.

haahahahahaha.......................

2008-07-18T17:03:00.000+01:00

im currently sitting at home, listening to the typhoon "sea gull" angrily banging against my window. listening to the panes clattering against one another, feeling more sadness boring into me. the howlings sounds like a thousand ghosts crying in the air. the louder the sounds get, the thicker the layer of invisble wall i build around myself.

2008-07-15T07:34:00.000+01:00

Im currently in shanghai, home sick, dog sick. The temperature is crazy and the amount of walking and shopping is exhausting me to the roots.

2008-07-09T15:43:00.001+01:00

I was out with the boyfriend today in town. He parked his car at far east so that we can avoid the ERP plus get a cheaper parking rate. It has been some time i step in to far east to actually shop and i decided to hang around and see what cheapie i can lay my eyes on.

Recently i have been trying to find a pair of oxford pumps and the search has been going on for a while. I know i know, boyfriends keeps reminding me the amount of shoes im getting and i kept playing tug-o-war with him so that i can shop properly.

side track abit, i have no idea why guys always become brain dead when they are out on a shopping trip with a girl. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM?! shopping has therapeutic effects! ever heard of the term "retail therapy". Anyway, so i shut my ears to his continuous protestings and carried on with my search of cheapies.

I know for once Far East sells alot of faux, man made material boots and oxfords that are trendy. But the quality wise~ ah well, looks and quality are separate issues, such shoes will fade off before i can wear it out.

ALright, back to the point, i walked awhile and did see some nice shoes, but the problem is i really cannot stand the way they look so cheap. you know, the gloss and the glue left behind from all the sticking. arg... cannot stand it.

I dont exactly shop by the way, so much shopping for the past two years as homework has cultivated me a skill of knowing whether there is anything i want in there just by looking. Or maybe, its due to the familiarity of the local shopping scene. To cut the crap short, i spotted this obscene pair of oxfords at this shop in Far East and to my horror i bought it.

Yeah, i hate the material, i hate the shallowness of this shoe and i hate the weird sheen on the material. I hate the strap and the way it makes the shoe looks weirdly odd. But who cares, i love the heels! its nothing special anyway, just a normal 2.5 inch made of man made leather, not even leather like. its clearly cheap PVC. As i was wearing my long jeans, i somehow felt the heels looked really special! It resembles the shoe John Galliano presented for the christian dior 08' spring summer couture show. Of course its not a pair of C.D. But who cares, i love the heels never the less. There were Louis Vuitton copy heels in teh shop too. If i remember correctly its on the 4th floor.

Whats more, i got an uber nice heel for 25 bucks. screw the leather screw the buckles, i love the heels. i dont care. im going to wear it with long pants or leggings just to show off the heel. Love it.

admire my heel... looks really cool and unique when you are wearing long pants and just showing off your heel

2008-07-07T14:21:00.000+01:00

I . Am . So . Confused

should i or should i not?

2008-07-06T14:35:00.000+01:00

I deleted all the posts that contains anything about what i would like to forget. especially... oh nevermind... Its all gone now. it will never resurface again. when i said i need a change and im not going back on my words. Be it hair, blog or whatever. 2 more months... good bye singapore

2008-07-06T13:51:00.000+01:00

I made a decision of a lifetime... I FINALLY cut away my long hair that i have kept for years. Its time i moved on and made a change to myself. I need it, the people around me need it too.

I totally adore my new hair cut.

2008-07-05T17:52:00.000+01:00

im flying off next friday. im so glad. maybe its going to be a period for me to recuperate. i need some space and air of my own. My bitches canceled the date. ARGH~ KATHY LI YAN! IF I SEE YOU I WILL MINCE YOU UP!

of friends, tiramisus and prezzie

2008-07-04T16:46:00.002+01:00

TO think of it, it has been ages since i have properly went out with friends on a food date. I suddenly realize i am leaving soon and i am going to miss them all so dear. I dont think i treasured my friends wisely the way i ought to. I confined my life around my school, my family and him, it had taken a huge toll on me. Luckily i still get to see my best buddies Qian Shan and Ra Ra today, I feel so happy! Im not kidding, but i think the laughter made my face exercise for abit and its kind of feeling a little sour now. You know, laugh until you get muscle cramp. Despite such a long break of not seeing each other, the feeling is still the same. Im so glad, nothing change, not their looks, (ok, there was a GREAT SIGNIFICANT SHOCKING SURPRISING change in dear Clara) but then, Qian Shan? Nah~ still as cool as a ... Cucumber~

I love the way friends care for you, even if its over simple things like "are you ok?". I feel loved. I know i sound like im deprived. But then, its just b

etter t

han having someone telling you i love you everyday

and you feel numb about it.

I dont think anyone wants to know what we did, but im just g

oing to record it for my own accord. By right we were s

upposed to meet at town, but i had to bring coco for

grooming last minute. Its a surprise for my mom, it has been on her mind for weeks but she just couldnt find the time to do it.

Went to town, far east exactly, had Korean Lunch at the first floor restaurant. Oh i tell you, they are so mediocre, everything was... so... -.-"! but if yo

u wanna go there, just be sure to bring some board

game to k

ill your time waiting for the waiter to take your or

der. They take AGES. and i mean ages. I think they might have only one waiter for the whole place. However, they serve really fast, we were jokingly saying that the food were prepared first and then served after being sent to the microwave.

There are a few things you shouldnt try if you go there

1) sour plum juice - unless you prepare double t

he shot

of water in that glass and gargle it down

2) Beef - Its dry and Burnt - dont eat! wait later you get cancer

3) The side dishes - the kimchi is an exception! oh well,

i eat all sorts of kimchis. But there are really dishes that taste funny

The only reason you will want to go there

1) there is a cute korean waiter. The very co

ol and steady kind.

Then the day ended with my dental appt and we went to get Tiramisu from TCC. Oh i tell you, they should so endorse me to be a tiramisu spoke

sperson. I am a loyal die hard fan of their tiramisu and i beli

eve i have spend more than a hundred dollars on their tiramisus ALONE.

RARA and Shan gave this to me as a parting gift! AINT IT ADORABLE!!!!!!!!! I am so loving it!!!!!!

All our attempts at mimicking the doll, i look really ugly i know. Shut up. I slept at 4 this morning to edit my blog template. im trying a desperate attempt to revive it.

A brand new start

2008-07-04T06:04:00.001+01:00

My New blog template. Leave me some comments!

2008-05-22T12:19:00.000+01:00

i think my life is like... getting a bit boring. nowadays, besides sewing i am still sewing my stupid crepe satin top. it has been taking me 4 months to sew a stupid garment and im only done with the top front pleats. i hope i can be doctor octopus in spidey man 2.

im all so geared up for GSS this year.

on the mark, get set, waiting for the bang!

i still cant believe i am so bored i am blogging! this is me after my motorcycle class. believe it or not? haha

2008-05-19T17:17:00.000+01:00

Oh yes~ finally, no more work, no more classes, no more assignments. I am so freee!!!!!!! everybody ask me out now!

im getting a macbook pro. yay!

2008-05-11T15:25:00.000+01:00

oh yes! tomorrow is going to be the last week of internship. no more horrible food. no more work~ i did enjoy my internship overall. i liked JO, i like victoria and i liked uncle! but then working is really a hassle. especially when its not really related to fashion. Or rather. Not related to design. i learnt alot and am really thankful for the wonderful experience. But i guess, no, i am not going to do this again. haha! maybe something else for a try.

im going to shanghai soon. holidays again! its spring there currently, which means great weather, great temperature and great shopping. yumilicious.

oh well... gotta sleep.

bye bye

2008-05-05T15:07:00.000+01:00

i nearly kissed the guy who interviewed me. Good bye Singapore. Im flying~ on an unconditional offer to study in UAL

Tony Alston (he blardy knows john galliano and mcqueen and jimmy choo blah blah) was the representative who interviewed me. I really didnt expect myself to pass. i intended to really just go, have some fun and experience, maybe get some comment from some overseas guy and improve myself.

I guess i was really free and happy when i went there, sat down and started chatting with him. I even asked him weird questions like where do you come from? so do you stay in london? are you having jet lags? whats your area of specialism? i thought it was more like me interviewing him.

he gave me funny comments like one of my drawings look like what they teach in fashion schools 30 years ago. and he pointed at my HEP5 competition piece and said it looks like something that flew in from outter space. Saying that it looked like something galliano would do if he feels crazy that day. i thought: oh gosh, this is the end im going to say BYE to UAL.

then he told me, im going to offer you a place. i think my heart stopped beating for a second and i was dying to pinch myself. ITS MY FANTASY AND DREAM COME TRUE~~~~ PINCH PINCH PINCH ME! I HAVENT COMPLETED MY DIPLOMA AND IM GOING TO LONDON!

im going to say good bye to this country. Hello University Of Arts London, Hello London College of Fashion.

2008-03-31T15:12:00.000+01:00

Gonna upload photos on "唯我独尊". I never followed the show actually, and never knew that these girls existed until i went for the mediacorp fitting. One of them was a familiar face i always see from la salle. My model / contestant, whatever is ang chiew ting. People say she looks like the 881 female lead, one of the papayas (the one that is not from malaysia). some also say that she look like felicia chin. (who is felicia chin!?!?!) im not a sucker for local celebrities.

This is her photo. she is actually really pretty with and without makeup, i think she carries my outfit really well. But then, there were always problems with the producers and blah blah blah. and in the end all our outfits got changed until they don't even look like lingeries.

this is really ironic, but their theme is "sexy", thus they picked our lingerie pieces to be worn. then when they saw our garments they said that it was too "Revealing". and started adding all sorts of things to cover up all the exposed areas. Aaron's one was the worst, the model gotta wear a long tube inside the BRA. it looked... totally absolutely grosteque . i really hope they do something else to it. oh Aaron got Germaine Chow

a very active girl. She is so cute can?~ i was helping her with dressing and she told me how ugly she thought she looked with the tube under the bra, and she was like "can you make me really ugly so that they wont make me wear this like that?" then we started a whole lot of screaming on how its too tight and she cant breath, the bra wont clasp and blah blah for the people outside to hear.
C'MON! the amount we are covering is WAY WAY WAY more that bikini shows. *sigh~my model and the Myanmar girl. they changed Janis's cute undies into a hideous skirt. now she look like a confused samba / chinese dancer. and my pleated fans g-string became SHORTS. can i cry?~ initially i really wanted mable cos she was really sweet and gorgeous. then again her skin was too tanned to carry out the contrast of my piece. made her camouflage in my garment. it looked sorta like my garment was wearing her and not the other way round.

ooo... sexy pose. she is damn good at pictures~ i heard they might be coming for the SFF show as they are all invited.
groupie! oh its all at mediacorp wardrobe. we even ran into venetta lopez, quan yi feng, hardy mirza and some people other people were gasping at. i don even know who they are. (got this guy who sported a poofy hair last time. he had a horse like face, i think he is some host.)
the taiwan girl wearing "cleopatra". this piece was initially gonna be taken out. then again they took out the Indian girls' piece cos apparently hers couldnt fit anyone. (*bitchings and bitchings. there were much conspiracies... *shushes) anyway this piece had leaves falling out! omg... how the friends take care of it one!!!!!!!!!
this is Jiawen's model! she is like an angel can! and she is a twin! which mother so lucky give birth to a pair of asian olsens! really gorgeous le!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i am to give birth i want kids like tt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh my god... dont even know what rubbish i typing. hope to see many many people at SFF!

2008-03-25T16:36:00.000Z

i am BUSY BUSY BUSY BUSY ~~~~~~~~~

im having internship, my night stuffs, my triumph inspiration award, SFF, fashion shows all together. IM GONNA FAINT~

only second day into work and i had to keep disrupting my 8 hours a day. I hope Jo doesnt get angry and sack me or something, im really helpless. Today i went down to Triumph for the models' fitting. AND I STILL HAVE TO DO JIAWEN's OUTFIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i really cant be bothered about other emotional stuffs anymore. BUSY BUSY BUSY.

tomorrow have to leave office at 230 again. cos have to go down to mediacorp AGAIN. For some interview for this "wei wo du zun" show that is coming up. I think you can already see the trailer on TV.

Anyway, just to update, the triumph inspiration award SFF show will be on the 3rd april 2008 at ngee ann city civic plaza. There will be a SFF tent there as usual. If you are a fashionista you ought to know what i am talking about. so excited. If anyone wanna go, sms me your full name ASAP. This show is by invites only, no tickets on sale. and you must be above 21 years of age (as if its some **** show)

so busy....

im going to sleep. im going to faint soon. I LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT~~

can you believe it, right after my internship is major project. KILL ME. No break in between le~ how sad!

quote of the day: keep yourself busy and lose weight. IT WORKS~

2008-03-25T16:28:00.000Z

Hello!

hansel will be at:

Flea and Easy (Fashion Elite Edition)

Zouk

Sunday 30 March 2008

2pm to 7pm

We will be selling samples and stock from our very first season all the way to S/S 2006/07 Candy Girl, plus we will release the samples from the A/W 2007 Abracadabra! collection. Samples come ONLY in 1 piece per style!

All items will be marked down to clear! Prices start at $10 with discounts from 70%. Cash payments only.

We hope to see you there!

*personal feelings ~ i have to be honest. I really like most of the designs there. Not all, but most. Anyway one who goes there should grab the dresses! especially the ones with the bows at the front? they are BEAUTIFUL (wilson's favorite line) i think if my accounts allow i wanna get one too. All the prices were like at least 100 before discounts and now there are items at only $10? I had the itch to buy alot when i am just writing the prices for JO.

I also love this men's shirt! its white, it has this intricate detailing on the front chest. Its only $35 ~ all the guys out there. gogogo~ all button down shirts at $35. some imported from ITALY. As in really italy. not china italy.

No age limit. so if you are under 21 and cannot club, just go la. maybe after that you get to sneak in to club.

2008-03-22T17:48:00.000Z

i was literally trying to bully the poor girl
my darling~ hahaha

2008-02-09T14:34:00.000Z

Is he your dream guy?

marker rendering on a cover boy.

2008-01-31T14:23:00.000Z

Good bye 2007, Hello 2008~

Goodbye DEFA, Hello 2008, FYP~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ RARH~~~~

You do realize something is amiss from the photo dont you?????????????????????????

look carefully......................

look somemore.........................

MY RABBIT TEETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello braces~ bye my "bah gei" !

2008-01-20T13:02:00.000Z

This is my entry on my DEFA work. Im quite glad im in this class actually, due to the exposure that the school gave our class. It was stressful, but i cannot deny the amount of stuff we learnt and the lessons, in terms of pp... i learnt

Basically mine is a windbreaker designed for the aging. My model happens to be the CEO wife of the MEiban Group. Thanks to one of the lectuerers. She is a great lady! can you tell she is already 60+!? I thought she was only 40, 50+ ... She was also a beauty pageant winner.

This is on the day of the fashion show, during the rehearsal. It was held at the marina mandarin hotel for the SICEX gala dinner. AS usual there were ministers blah blah blah... We even had IVY lim~ She is a REALLY open lady....

Well... this is my multifunction, raincoat cum sleeping bag cum lots lots of function windbreaker. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. I also really appreciate the chance to go live on national TV for this particular garment.

haha... anyone watches Good Morning Singapore? muahahahahahaa..... people say i looked wierd on TV!! Theres me ... and the newscaster.... it was so funny to witness how they actually telecast news at the station. Do you know how the scenes changes from one back drop after the other? like... different backgrounds for maybe entertainment news and political news? there is like... 2 sides of the tiny studio... and the news caster literally RUNS about. they are so calm! like... they know when to flip their hair without being shown on TV... When to kiao kah... and the table is a terrible mess! and you dun get to see it on TV!!!!!! anyway... there is so much more....

just a little rememberence..... there is JOhnathon beside me holding the coffee table book. The second edition is going to be published soon

2008-01-11T13:53:00.000Z

Bouts of desperation

2008-01-09T13:28:00.000Z

PHOTOS OFF LITTLE JESIES!!!!! MY BABY GAVE BIRTH TO SIX PUPPIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pure breed goldens! i cant tell you how adorable they are... but... but... imagine... MEATBALLS... =.=

Tee hee hee~
Jesy feeding her pups.
My dear dearer dearest mommy... Jesy... she is getting prettier and prettier by the day

2007-08-09T18:01:00.000+01:00

its been 2 years and... 3 weeks? over... in a minute... something that was caused by a daily routined quarrel, fight, tears, pain and agony. IM so tired...

Break, patch, break, patch, break, patch. this is all that our relationship was about.

disagreements... refusal to compromise... refusal to listen... refuse to understand... refuse to think over what we tell each other.

I have a mother fucking temper... one that comes and goes at a mata hari speed.

he had a straw ear that goes in and out as i talk to him.

there is no way no way we can get along together forever... times had been sweet, it had been enjoyable. I loved him... a love i never shared for anyone else but him. Im so clear of my concious, there had been no betrayal, no distrust. I loved him... so much... so much it hurts as i type and as it wrenches my heart into a million pieces. Tears had been shed till my ducts ran as dry as the sahara. I wont cry anymore, it hurts, hell it hurts. I have no idea how i am going to deal with this. the uncertainties lying ahead of me.

i stare at the phone every minute waiting for it to beep. Everytime it does, i would pick it up and anxiously hoping for a message for a call from him. even if it is sarcasm, a scolding, an irony. whatever. It never comes....... so i resort to sending him messages. things that i say shows the way i cannot put down my pride and integrity. I hurt him through my use of words and in return i got more hurtful words....

but thats so not what i meant... love. hurt love. hurt.... i want him back. i want him to run back to me and hug me and tell me he loves me and kiss me. But everytime i cry for him to come back, he would give me that disgusted look and drive away. He would never bother to step outta that fucking car. his sanctuary... am i losing out to a fucking car? i feel like driving it into the wall and puncture all the tires. smash the engine and break the window. tear out the car boot and cut the leather seats. pour paint onto the car and slash the underside.

i hate myself... am i suppose to kneel infront of him and beg him to hold me again? He doesnt give a shit to whether i cry anymore. i hurt myself and got myself slapped even more. im so stunned... stunned outta my brains...

I dun even know what the fuck im typing. somebody tell me... i hurt... im numb... i dun have the energy to go out. no energy to draw, to drape nor to sew up my fucking garments. fashion is the love of my life. now its nothing compared to the "gargantuan" loss im dealing with.

fuck. fuck. fuck. i cant sleep... i need help. i need help..... i need help! someone love me again... someone take me... im so desperate for a simple hug... i cant put this burden on my family. neither can i tell them. I mustnt let my parents worry. seeing their expression when i come home sobbing like an old hag that lost her last tooth is worrying enough.

what am i gonna do what am i gonna do... i dun fucking trust love anymore. its not love.
its a devil in disguise. out to kill, out to hurt. and he is the angel from hell and the messenger of satan! i hate him...

i love him... hate him... love him... i dunno...

i dun een know what the hell i am typing.. i dunc are.... im goiing to publish...

任风吹干　留过的泪和汗总有一天我有属于我的天. im not him sky... he is going to look for it... and im the barrack in between... i should be gotten rid of....

2007-06-28T14:05:00.000+01:00

today i met the uncle who always sat underneath my block. Out of impulse i greeted him and smiled... He look happy and told me im very polite.... and told me god will bless me...

a sudden surge of warmth flowed through my heart.

i feel happy

2007-06-20T14:15:00.000+01:00

I am so determined to catch up on my previous blogging fanatics.

this photo... i give up. i tried reposting it like 3 times and half of it gets chopped off. someone must be damn cross with me.

right... its taken at ... let me think... attica too... (limited 21+) Long story... somehow somewhere i got to know the marketing director of TOny and GUy and got some lobang from her. She intro-ed me to a local designer Ana to help her on her debut fashion show. How sweet.

i didnt manage to take photos of the models. LOADS of naked bodies and i loved the drag. their costumes are fanta-booby-licious...

well... we werent paid. but i think getting free raspberry vodkas and entry to the VIP zone PLUS free entry to a 21+ club is quite ok. PLUS eye candies and FASHION SHOWS!!! the models were rather pretty... lets not get to that part.
nicole and ... i dunno his name. but he is so sweet. MUAKS

darz..... ok...... i know im a bit underdressed for the event. but i thought i will be stuck in the dressing room for the entire night....

well.... zzzzzzzz

had to leave really early cos calvin next day got to go camp real early....

zzzzz.......

2007-06-12T05:08:00.000+01:00

he has a free mom, open dad, countless cousins and siblings.

she has the best mom, a siding husband

he has the smartest wife, a great career, busy days

they have all these under one roof

she has nothing.
empty rooms, mass spaces,
friend! whom busy and that sort
a boyfriend, least sensitive of all
whom to seek love from?

what can she do with a greater brain?
even if u count director's list, a simple gain
there no moral, empty portal
where are they?

the un-understandables
the "indifferential" nonchalance
selfish sacrifice,
the propaganda?
"always for your benefit and best."

she is a robot in their eyes,
oh pitiful creature
breakable promises in their hearts
her life
never the limelight

struggles and tempers, would they ever understand ?
the hope burning in her soul? would they ever begin pend?

a quote before this misery ends,
"leaving is the signal to want to be kept"
"tempers are stories to change and repent"